


Dream a Little Dream of Me

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [56]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Inception Fusion, Death, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, Dreamsharing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Nightmares, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 21:26:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16730931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: The beach stretched out in front of him, golden sand glistening in the light of the setting sun, the waves only just kissing it, a gentle lullaby of sound in his ears.The Lucid Dreaming Military Program had been new and highly experimental, but for a time it had given Jack everything. Countless worlds to explore, a chance to make a difference...and it had given him Gabriel, harbouring their burgeoning relationship.And then the dream ended.





	Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Reaper76 Reverse Big Bang 2017, I was partnered with EE-void and their amazing art can be found here: http://ee-void.tumblr.com/post/168042994360/ hey-i-can-finally-post-this-here-is-my-entry

‘When you go to sleep, where do you really go?”  - Brian Lovestar

****

    The beach stretched out in front of him, golden sand glistening in the light of the setting sun, the waves only just kissing it, a gentle lullaby of sound in his ears. He knew this beach. They had spent countless hours here, sometimes just for fun, walking hand in hand towards the horizon that they’d never managed to reach, playing in the shallows, tossing one another into the waves, kissing softly when they both inevitably ending up sprawled in the place where sea and sand met. There had been other days when they had walked in silence, their grip on each other bordering on painful as they tried to bury themselves in the peaceful beauty of the illusion, winding down from their mission, reminding themselves that they were alive, that the horrors of what they had seen, and what they had done lay behind them.

     It had been a while since he had been here, and Jack felt a pang as he glanced beside him, blindly reaching out for a hand that was no longer there for him to take. His fingers closed on empty air, and he swallowed, feeling a familiar ache rising in his chest as he turned his gaze back to the sand and sea. If he closed his eyes he could imagine Gabriel sprawled on his ass in the waves, threatening vengeance even as he laughed, eyes crinkled at the edges, the grim soldier nowhere to be seen in this place that they had made their own. He could hear the warm bark of laughter that always brought a smile to his lips, only this time the sound brought a lump to his throat, his eyes beginning to sting and he blinked, startled to realise that he had closed them.

   His hands started to curl into fists at his side, but he froze, fear spiking through the grief as something cold brushed against his skin. He knew this touch, knew what it heralded, and he tensed, fingers falling limply by his side. He couldn’t bring himself to look, easily able to envisage the dark smoke that would be writhing between his fingers, the chill seeping into his hands and his breath caught as the air behind him changed, growing colder as a dark haze seemed to fall over the beach. The golden sand now looked grey beneath his feet, the sun appeared eclipsed, even though it had been setting in all its glory only moments before and as he fought the urge to squeeze his eyes shut and pretend that none of this was happening he heard the faintest sound of movement behind him. Sand shifting beneath heavy feet, harsh breathing and the whisper of cloth before fingers wrapped around his neck from behind.

    The cold was searing, burning into his flesh, but it paled in comparison to the feel of claws raking his cheek, and he couldn’t hold back a whimper as he felt blood beginning to trickle down his cheek. There was a noise, too harsh and cruel to be called a laugh although he knew that was what had been as the fingers tightened. Part of him was tempted to just stand there, to let this end, but he already knew that wasn’t an option and he found himself instinctively reaching up, scrabbling at the clawed hands, fighting to breathe.

“Ga…be…” He managed to choke out, wiggling his fingers in just enough to force the sound out, immediately regretting it as there was a low snarl from behind him. There was no time for him to say anything more, no chance to apologise, to say the farewell that had always been denied them, his vision filling with claws and black smoke as his assailant’s other hand reared up.

   Then there was pain, burning, searing lines of agony drawn across his neck and his world turned crimson. He was drowning it, gasping and gagging, fighting to breathe. Struggling to turn and reach for Gabe, fingers closing on the haunting, bone-like mask his nightmare had adopted, feeling it move before the shadows swirled and surged towards him, carrying him away in a blur of back and red, a distorted imitation of his partner’s voice following him into the void.

_You don’t get to call me that anymore…. Jack._

    Jack Morrison woke with a strangled gasp to a world that was no longer painted with the crimson and black of his nightmare, but with the dull half-light of the street lamp outside his bedroom window, the normality doing little to comfort him after the vividness of what had just happened. He was breathing hard as he pushed himself upright, hands shaking wildly as he reached for his neck, searching for the wounds that had been inflicted, for the blood that had flooded his vision, but there was nothing there. Nothing… his grip tightened, not enough to cut off his own breathing, but enough to leave bruises. A coping mechanism he had learnt years before, the marks reassuring him that he was back in the real world.

_‘Don’t do that Jack,’ Gabriel scolded, warm hands reaching out to grasp Jack’s and pull them away from where he’d been gripping his arms, dark eyes studying the damage before he sighed. Not disapproving or disappointed, but sad and somehow Jack found that worse, glancing away in shame. He’d tried other methods, using a totem like many of the others including Gabriel did, but he had found himself questioning it, losing himself, but he couldn’t doubt the red nail-marks and bruises that never appeared when he was dreaming unless inflicted by others, that hurt in a way they never did in the dream world. He was pulled back to the present and encouraged to look up by the feel of Gabriel’s fingers brushing lightly over the newest marks. ‘I hate seeing these marks.’_

_‘I know, I’m…”_

“Sorry…” Jack finished, voice a hoarse croak that sounded too loud in the emptiness of his bedroom, and he blinked, eyes stinging as he realised that there were no warm fingers against the marks. That there was no one perched on the edge of his bed, and he sighed, the noise becoming a sob as he buried his head in his hands.

   The tears didn’t last long, they never did these days and not because the grief had eased. That pain felt as sharp and real as it had all those years ago, and he wanted to laugh at all those fools that believed that time healed all wounds.  No, the dullness came with exhaustion, the weariness that had seeped into every fibre of his being a long time ago, written in the dark shadows that had taken up permanent residence under his eyes and in the way, he now sat slumped on the edge of his bed. His head was pounding, and his face felt damp and itchy, but the thought of getting up and wiping away the evidence of his breakdown was too much right now, and instead, he closed his eyes and just tried to breathe, trying to push the memories away.

It didn’t work, it never worked.

    The nightmare was too vivid in his thoughts, grounded in truth in a way that made it impossible for him to just dismiss what had happened, and he shivered, fingers moving to his throat once more. _Gabe…_ No, he couldn’t get lost in the memories again, not right now. It was too much. He finally let himself glance at the clock, unsurprised to find that it was barely four in the morning, less than two hours since he’d finally given in and retreated to bed. A low noise built in his throat, halfway between a laugh and a whine. He couldn’t remember the last time he had managed to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time, or without the nightmares. Not dreams, he never dreamt anymore, not beyond the little flashes that reminded him of the dreams he’d once had. _That they’d once had_.

_‘I could get used to a place like this,’ Gabriel hummed approvingly as he took in the beach stretching out in front of them. Wiggling his toes in the sand and Jack was distracted for a moment, wondering when his partner had managed to discard his shoes, before realising that Gabriel was now looking at him expectantly, waiting for a reply._

_‘It’s beautiful,’ Jack admitted, belatedly looking around. It reminded him a little of the beach his parents had taken them to when he was younger, and he wondered if it had been created from that memory, or whether this had come from Gabriel. Possibly the latter he admitted, realising that his partner looked more relaxed and happier than he had for weeks, and to his embarrassment, he felt a pang of jealousy. He had been trying to bolster Gabriel’s spirits for weeks, but nothing seemed to work, and yet here he was with a soft smile spreading across his face, and it was all because of a dream, and…._

_His spiralling thoughts were cut off as Gabriel grabbed his hand, laughing at him when he nearly lost his balance, and then he was being pulled forwards, losing himself in the sensation of warm fingers clinging to his and Gabriel’s laughter echoing back to him._

      Jack cursed, flinging the covers off himself, breath catching as another sob threatened to escape. The memories were too close tonight, and he needed to get away before he lost himself in them, the spectre from his nightmare seeming to loom behind him as he staggered to his feet, a chill settling over him. He stumbled, flinging out a hand and managing to catch himself on the edge of the bedside table as his legs threatened to buckle beneath him, wincing as the table rocked, filling the room with the rattle of medicine bottles as they rolled onto the floor. Another reminder of his failures… However, it was the dull clang of the photo frame that stood beside them falling that had him straightening, eyes wide as he stared at the back of it, almost tempted to leave it as it was.

     He couldn’t, fingers trembling as he slowly righted it, the same lump that had risen in his throat rising now as he stared at the only photo he had left of Gabriel. They hadn’t been allowed much in the way of personal belongings back then, and what bonds and relationships they’d made during the program had mostly existed in the world of dreams. He had received the photo in the post a few weeks after Gabriel had, after the program had ended, with a note from his partner’s mother telling him that Gabriel had asked her to send it to him if anything happened. It had nearly destroyed him to realise that Gabriel had prepared for the worst, and he still wondered if Gabriel had known he was slipping even then, but then why hadn’t he told him? Why hadn’t he allowed Jack to help him? To stop him before it was too late?

    His fingers lingered against Gabriel’s cheek for a moment, trying to reconcile the smiling, bright-eyed man in the photo, the man he had fought alongside and loved for so long, with the almost wraith-like figure who had slipped through his fingers in that bland, white-washed room. _Gabriel._ The memory of shadows and clawed fingers had him pulling back, shivering as he glanced behind him, half-expecting to see the figure looming once more, but the room was empty, too empty and with a last glance behind him at the photo he fled the room on trembling legs, wishing it was that easy to escape everything.

*

     Jack didn’t bother lifting his head from the counter as he heard a key rattling in the lock. There was only one person who had a key to his place, and she was more than capable of letting herself in and more than willing to do so. Dully he listened as the door opened and closed, closing his eyes as he heard the rustle of shopping bags which meant that she had been grocery shopping for him again, even though he had told her countless times that he could do it himself. However, he lacked the energy to argue with her today and resigned himself to the mothering that was no doubt about to be unleashed on him, sometimes wondering if she still saw him as a friend or more as a burden. Maybe one day he would have the courage to ask…

“Good morning Jack,” Ana called as she stepped into the kitchen, too bright and awake for this time in the morning, even if Jack had been up for nearly five hours having been too afraid to even try to sleep again. He heard her halt, could imagine her expression falling and darkening as she took in his slumped figure and the coffee mug and cans of energy drink scattered next to him. There had been a time when she would have scolded him, loudly and at length, but now she merely sighed, letting him imagine the disappointment and disapproval on her face as she set the bags she had brought on the floor before asking tentatively. “The dreams again?”

“They’re not dreams,” Jack muttered, irritation colouring his voice, how many times had he told her that they weren’t dreams? That dreams were what ordinary people had. He wasn’t aware of just how snappish he had been until he heard her take a couple of steps forwards, hesitating to approach him, before asking in an uncharacteristically cautious voice.

“Jack?”

“They’re nightmares,” he mumbled, wondering what he must’ve sounded like to get that tone, guilt forcing him to push himself upright and twist in his seat to look at her.  Her expression cleared as soon as their gazes met, but not before he could see the apprehension and concern, both emotions leaving a bitter taste in his mouth and he had to fight the urge to look away.

“You should see the doctor again,” Ana sounded like herself again as she moved forward, the hesitation gone as she came to lean against the counter beside him, lightly pressing against his side. It was more comforting than it should have been, especially with the chill that seemed reluctant to release him today, and he leant into her as he replied.

“They’ve already tried everything, Ana.” He didn’t want to think about how large his medical file must be by now, even with the large chunk that was missing from his time in the program. He had tried medication after medication, anything to help him sleep and sleep without dreams, but at most, it would work for a few days, sometimes a week before the nightmares would seep in once more. The doctors were at a loss, and even when he had reached out to the doctors that had worked on the program there had been nothing to could do, or that they were willing to do. After all the program was over and buried beneath layers of secrecy. What did one haunted participant mean in comparison to that?

“There must be something,” Ana argued, and there was a note of desperation in her voice that he hadn’t heard in months, not since he had collapsed from exhaustion on one of the rare occasions he had allowed her to drag him out shopping with her. Her hands are cool and gentle against his skin as she reaches for his cheek, turning his face towards her and running a finger over the prominent bags under his eyes. It reminds him painfully of how Fareeha used to reach for them, poking them in confusion and asking who had punched her ‘Uncle’ Jack and he wants to pull away, but can’t bring himself to lean away from the soothing touch. “You can’t go on like this.” 

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Ana snapped, although her expression softened when he flinched, and she sighed, fingers curling against his cheek. “You’re not fine Jack, we both know it, and I thought we were past the point of you lying to me.” Jack winced at that, reminded of how hurt she had been when she had realised just how much he had been hiding from her and his shoulders slumped.

“I’m sorry…” He muttered, finally moving as he reached up to grasp her hand, squeezing lightly as he pointed out softly. “But you can’t fix this, Ana.” _You can’t fix me._ If he was honest, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be fixed, because that would mean moving on, forgetting what he and Gabriel had endured together. It would mean leaving Gabriel behind.  It was more than that though, and he wasn’t sure that he even deserved to be fixed, and he ached to reach up and touch his neck, remembering the feel of those sharp claws raking across it. _‘You don’t get to call me that anymore…Jack.’_

_I don’t deserve that chance…_

“Maybe.” He knew that Ana had caught what he hadn’t said, and he looked away as he glimpsed the pain in her face. He hated the fact that he was hurting her too, that he was hurting Fareeha who had emailed him the other day asking why he wasn’t replying, but he didn’t know what else to do. Ana wouldn’t leave even if he pushed, he’d tried, and if he reached out…. the spectre loomed once more, shadows curling, and he shivered, the chill that never seemed too far away these days creeping up his back. Ana must’ve mistaken for him bracing for rejection because she wrapped an arm around him in a half-hug as she added firmly. “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try though.”       

_You shouldn’t._

*

    It was nearly three hours later that he was finally left in peace, although not without the promise of Ana returning for dinner, a non-negotiable statement as they both knew from experience that even if he promised to go to hers, he wouldn’t. In those three hours, she had managed to fill his cupboards, boss him into cleaning up the mess of coffee cups and energy drinks that seemed to cover most of the surfaces in the house. Made him a doctor’s appointment that he had every intention of cancelling and forced him to sit and go through the mail that he had been letting pile up for weeks. Thankfully she had missed the way he’d reacted to one of the envelopes, and he’d managed to slip it down the side of the sofa while she was busy trying to revive the dying house-plant behind him.

    He loved her for it, he really did, but he couldn’t stop the sigh of relief that slipped out when he heard the front door close behind her, sinking back on the sofa with an exhausted groan. It boggled his mind sometimes to remember that she was two years older than him, and had a fully grown daughter and a burgeoning chain of coffee shops to manage. It made his own existence pale in comparison, and he squeezed his eyes shut, wondering not for the first time how he had managed to end up with her in his life, and he hated the part of him that would have traded her friendship, and all the memories they’d built together just to have Gabriel back.

    Thinking of his partner reminded him of the letter he had hidden earlier, and reluctantly he levered himself upright, reaching down the side of the sofa and wiggling around until he felt the envelope and pulled it out once more. His fingers trembling as he ran them over the triskelion printed in the corner…

_He was only a few months past his twenty-first birthday, already well-entrenched in military life after signing up at eighteen despite his family’s protests. They’d all thought that he would be the one to stay at home and eventually take over the farm. After all, his brothers had already flown the nest and made lives for themselves, while Jack had never so much as mentioned wanting to leave and his decision to not only leave but to follow a path that would see him risking his life had them all reeling in shock._

_It hadn’t been a pleasant few weeks…_

_Although it now paled in comparison to their reaction when he had gone home on leave a week ago, to let them know that he was joining a covert branch and that he would be largely out of contact for the next few months at least, if not longer. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he remembered the arguments, the pleas and tears and finally the damning silence that had been his send-off when he had decided to leave a couple of days early just to escape._

_“You look happy to be here.” Jack started at the voice, and dragging himself back to the present he looked up to find himself staring at another soldier, eyes immediately darting to the badges of rank. A Captain. He immediately went to salute but was waved off as the other man grinned at him, taking the sting out of the scolding words that followed.  “There’s no rank here, remember?”_

_“Ah, yeah I remember,” Jack coloured. He’d the information cover to cover multiple times, and still managed to screw up. “Sorry…”_

_“Don’t apologise sunshine,” the other man assured him, and Jack wasn’t sure whether to bristle or smile at the nickname. Something about his companion relaxing him, and he didn’t protest as a friendly arm was slung around his shoulder, guiding him through the doors that bore the golden triskelion symbol that had been printed on all the documents and waivers he’d had to sign to be allowed into the program._ _“Now’s the time to make mistakes if you’re going to make them…” He trailed off, glancing at Jack who blinked before realising what he was waiting for._

_“Jack. Jack Morrison.”_

_“Jack,” the man seemed to consider the name, rolling it over a couple of times before grinning and introducing himself. “I’m Gabriel Reyes. Since the only other people who’ve arrived are the doctors and brass, I guess I should say welcome to the LDMP.”_ _Despite having an arm around his shoulder, Gabriel had still held out a hand for him to shake and Jack couldn’t help but laugh as he shook it. It wasn’t the welcome he had expected, but as he looked at Gabriel, he couldn’t help but think it had been better than the one he’d been waiting for._

     Jack snorted, it hurt now to remember how naïve he had been, how excited and optimistic he had been about getting accepted into the LDMP. The Lucid Dreaming Military Program had been new and highly experimental, and the thresholds for being accepted had been incredibly high, and while Jack knew he had met many of the criteria, especially when it came to vivid dreams, he had half-expected to be turned down. The acceptance letter had been a total surprise, one that had been mired by his family’s reaction, even though in retrospect he almost wished that he had listened to them.

Almost…

    Because without the LDMP he would never have had the chance to meet Gabriel Reyes. There were some days, like today when the nightmares and memories were too much that he wondered if that wouldn’t have been a good thing.

     Slowly he opened the envelope, already having a good idea of what it contained, having received the same notification for nearly twenty-six years in a row. It didn’t stop the trepidation that came from seeing that symbol though, fingers trembling as he pulled out the letter, scanning the message, relief building as he realised that it was the usual nonsense. _A reminder that all information regarding this program is to remain private and confidential._ As though he could forget after all the documents he’d had to sign or the reminders that he’d received after seeking medical help for his insomnia. _Your annual health compensation will be paid on the 3 rd December. _Jack could remember the surprise he’d felt when he’d read about that ‘benefit’ at the start of the program, never imaging just how extensive the side effects might prove to be.  

He didn’t have a chance to dwell on it, because while the letter usually finished after that, this one continued past it.

 _In addition_ _, we must inform you as according to the Final Will and Testament left behind by Mr Gabriel Reyes, in the event of his next of kin passing away, his compensation will now be added to yours. This means that you will receive…_

The letter fell from suddenly nerveless hands as Jack hunkered in on himself. _No. No. NO._  He wasn’t sure who he wanted to scream at. Himself…. Gabriel for mentioning him a will that he should never have needed…or whether he wanted to just scream at the news that that Gabriel’s family had lost another member. He had met them all, briefly, and while he had been lost in a haze of grief, he could remember how they had rallied around one another and all those who had known their eldest child. He knew that Gabriel had left everything to his mother whose ill health had left her unable to work, and he ached to know that she had died, remembering how she had taken one look at his face at the funeral and pulled him into a hug despite the tears on her own cheeks, murmuring in his ear. _Thank you for loving him…_

As though that had ever been a choice…

_“Nervous?” Gabriel asked as they settled onto the hospital beds they had been allocated, although these beds were nothing like the ones most hospitals had, the mattresses immediately moulding themselves to their bodies, shifting with them when they wiggled to find the most comfortable spot. Not that it really mattered as they both knew that the nurses would be moving them around while they dived to ensure that they didn’t suffer any ill effects, even though this dive was nothing like the ones still to come._

_“A little…” Jack admitted hesitantly, reluctant to show any weakness although he’d long since learnt that Gabriel wouldn’t judge him for it. Still, it didn’t stop him from fiddling with the edge of his gown, wishing yet again that they could just wear regular clothes for this even though he knew what he wore here had no bearing of what he would be wearing in the dream world. It would make him more comfortable, and it would leave him feeling less exposed under Gabriel’s gaze which he could now feel burning into him, and he wanted to curse as he felt colour creeping into his cheeks and trailing up to his ears as it always did when he was embarrassed._

_He didn’t want to disappoint his partner, especially now they were preparing to enter the next stage of the project. He had been thrilled when it had been announced that they were going to be partners for their time in in the program, having spent the first few days he had been on the base trailing after Gabriel who had been in the program for two months already, although his cohort had only taken baby steps in the dream world. It had barely been enough to wet their toes, but it allowed them to make sure that they could pair someone with experience in Lucid Dream Diving with each of the new recruits. Giving them a guide while they learnt the ropes, and with the hope that the pairs would bond during that time, and become permanent partners when the program got going in earnest._

_The pairings had worked for the most part, although a few people had clashed with their partners and had to be reassigned, while several men and women, from both cohorts, had been sent home as they had begun to lose track of the border between dream and reality. However, Jack and Gabriel had seemed to click from the moment they had met, and their first few dives together had been described as some of the smoothest that the scientists had ever seen, the two of them seamlessly creating a shared reality, and as a result they had been pushed further and faster than any of the other pairs. Which was why they were currently preparing for their first long-term dive, and while it wasn’t a proper mission, just testing the waters…deeper than they’d ever ventured before…Jack couldn’t help but worry about all the things that could go wrong, and there was a lot._

_They could lose each other…_

_Lose their awareness that it was a dream…_

_They could react badly…_

_“Yeah, me too,” Gabriel’s reply cut across his panicked thoughts, catching him by surprise and he blinked looking across at his partner who had never shown the slightest hesitation on any of their previous dives. Not even when their seventh dive had gone haywire when a stray memory of a nightmare Jack had suffered as a child had surfaced right in the middle of the dive. Leaving them both falling through a seemingly endless hole as Gabriel had idiotically jumped to try and rescue his partner and in the end, the doctors had forcefully woken them. Jack had half expected to be kicked then, or for Gabriel to be mad at him. Instead, his partner had quietly asked just how often he’d suffered from that nightmare when he was younger, wincing when Jack had admitted that at one point it had been a nightly occurrence, leading to him avoiding sleep whenever he could for a few months before it had finally abated._

_“Really?”_

_“The longest dive I’ve done so far was four hours,” Gabriel pointed out, leaning up to look at him as he added with a grimace.  “Well four hours here, so around eighty in the dream world and that was only at level one, and I had a guide for it. This…”_

_This…This dive would have them asleep for six hours in the real world, and as they were being sent to the level two that would equate to roughly sixty-four days in the dream, far longer than Jack had dived before. Far longer than any team had dived for, the idea being to test to see if the two of them were able to remain in the shared space without any signs of fracturing such as other dreams breaking in, for a prolonged period. It was a necessary step as it was anticipated that when they started their proper missions, they would need to be within the dream world for months if not years depending on the nature of the missions they were going to be assigned._

_Jack swallowed, suddenly overcome with nerves as for the first time he allowed himself to wonder what the hell he had managed to sign himself up for, and he could feel his breathing speeding up, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. If they messed this up. If he messed this up… He was just beginning to lose himself in his panic when he felt warm hands lightly slapping his cheeks, before gripping him gently, the touch grounding him and pulling him back into the present. His breathing was still too fast, his heart hammering in his chest, but Gabriel was there, leaning over him without the slightest hint of disapproval or disappointment as he watched Jack struggling to control his breathing, and Jack found himself leaning into the touch. “Sorry,” he whispered, even as he soaked up the offered comfort and Gabriel shushed him with a slight shake of his head, fingers brushing his cheek for a moment in a way that seemed to offer more than mere comfort._

_It seemed like Gabriel was about to say something when they both froze, hearing the footsteps heading towards their room at a brisk pace. At some point it had become an unspoken agreement that any doubts, any weakness they showed would be just between the two of them and Gabriel lingered for a second longer, holding his gaze. I’m here. We’re together. It will be fine. The words passed unspoken between them, and Jack managed to nod, lips quirking at the offered comfort, although his smile faded as Gabriel’s hands fell away._

_By the time the door to their room opened a moment later, Gabriel was already back in his bed, fussing with his covers and as calm and composed as he always was before a dive. For Jack it seemed as though Gabriel’s fingers were still lingering against his skin, the warmth of the contact lingering, continuing to calm him as he listened to the pre-dive briefing. He was still highly aware of everything that could go wrong, not helped by the fact that as always, they had to sign disclosure forms before the dive could start, but he was also aware of the man in the next bed and the fact that they were in this together and for now that was enough._

_Once the papers were signed and they’d been hooked up to the countless machines that would let the doctors and the accompanying scientists monitor them while they were diving, Jack turned his head to look across at Gabriel who met his gaze with a smile._

_“See you on the other side sunshine.” The nickname had stuck after that first day, and despite himself Jack found himself grinning through the sting in his arm, and as he counted down, his eyes already growing heavy, he was counting down until he could see Gabriel again in their own world._

    That had been the first time they’d gone to the beach. Jack could remember the all-encompassing relief he had felt when he’d woken in the dream world to find Gabriel sat beside him, waiting for him with a welcoming smile.

    They had spent just over two months in that world, and the time had seemed to fly by. There had been no limit to the world they could create there, as long as they were careful to work together and not introduce any factors that the other couldn’t imagine, and so they spent their days shaping the world to their whim. And through that they bonded, Gabriel showing Jack his favourite bits of L.A. conjuring up the coffee shop where he’d had his first date, and the homely looking house he had grown up in. While Jack had shown him the miles upon miles of cornfields he had grown up surrounded by, and the room where he had spent long hours dreaming of escaping the farm. Yet it was always to the beach that they retreated. The golden, sun-kissed sand and clear blue of the sea had become their sanctuary, their world, and it had been on their last day in that dive, laying on top of one another in the edge of the surf that Jack had gathered the courage to kiss Gabriel for the first time.

_It had been clumsy and messy, and full of salt as the waves had washed over them and yet at the same time, it was everything that Jack had been thinking about for the last month and a half. At first, Gabriel had frozen, and for a terrifying moment Jack thought he had ruined everything, that he had overstepped, but then the warm hands that had chased his panic away in the hospital room were gripping him, pulling him closer as his partner deepened the kiss. They’d both been breathless and giddy when they’d broken apart, smiling even as they spluttered as another wave washed over them, and Gabriel laughed as he climbed to his feet and offered Jack a hand._

_“Come on sunshine, let’s take this somewhere a little dryer.” Jack had taken his hand, uncomplaining when Gabriel had twined their fingers together and guided him up the beach. They had barely made it out of the window when Gabriel was pulling him in for another kiss, this one more heated than before and Jack had gasped when he felt his partner’s hands tugging at his t-shirt, pulling back, eyes wide. Not because he didn’t want it, because gods did he want it, but at the same time he was profoundly aware that this wasn’t reality and that in a few hours they would be waking and not wanting to risk this coming between them._

_“This is real…right?”_

_Gabriel had looked hurt when he had first pulled away, but now comprehension dawned, and his expression softened as he stepped forward, closing the distance between them and reaching up to cup Jack’s face with one hand. “Do you even have to ask?” He murmured, stealing a quick kiss before adding. “I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t, Jack.” It was the use of his proper name that convinced him because Gabriel never used it unless he was being serious and laughing, almost giddy with relief he pulled his partner into another kiss._

    Jack ached at the memory. They had been so innocently happy that day, spending the last few hours of that dive completely wrapped up in each other, exploring, memorising every inch of one another, not caring in the least that these bodies weren’t real. It didn’t matter, because the feelings were, and it had been Gabriel, leaning over him as they heard the rumble of thunder in the distance, the signal that the dive was coming to an end who had leant close, trailing kisses along the rim of his ear, before whispering. “I love you.”

    He’d woken in the hospital bed with those words echoing through his mind, and a smile on his lips. It had taken him everything he had to focus on the questions he was being asked as the doctors checked him over, colouring when they mentioned that they’d both shown accelerated heart-rates and heightened brain activity towards the end of the dive, catching Gabriel’s chuckle over the noise. They hadn’t been banned from fraternising, but he didn’t want to risk them getting split up and, so he feigned ignorance, even though he wanted to scream it from the rooftops and he tried not to react as Gabriel made up a story about Jack ending up face down in the ocean and panicking.

    It had seemed like forever before they had been left in peace, with instructions to rest but not sleep until after they had eaten and be discharged. Jack had barely waited for the door to close behind them before he turned to look at Gabriel, and even now he could remember the lingering terror as he had waited for his partner to look at him. And the relief when Gabriel’s expression which had been stern for the sake of the doctors, softened and relaxed into a smile.

_“Aren’t you going to say it back sunshine?”_

      Jack closed his eyes. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to say the words, not right then, not now that it was no longer just the two of them in the world they had created. It had been too new, too daunting without the backdrop of their shared world. Perhaps if he had said the words then, grounding what they had in reality, things might have ended differently, but he hadn’t. He’d stayed silent, and while Gabriel had claimed to understand, he had spent every day since wondering if maybe he hadn’t.

   Things between them hadn’t changed drastically after that. In the real world, they were still partners and being hailed as the forerunners for the program, their longer dial showing a ninety-six per cent synchronicity over the four hours they had been asleep. In the months that followed they were sent on more extended, deeper missions, and it was on those dives, locked deep in their shared reality that their relationship could blossom. Exploratory dives to experiment with possible mission locations had become opportunities for dates, the two of them stealing moments in places they might never get the chance to go in the real world.

_“We’re never going to beat this,” Jack laughed as they waltzed around the top of the Eiffel Tower, the lights of Paris stretching out beneath them. They were supposed to be practising visualising the city after spending the week studying photos and footage, and while that had included the tower, Jack had never given it much thought. However, it turned out that Gabriel had been there once as a child and had wanted to share him with it, neither of them caring that they were breaking the boundaries of their mission as they twisted conditions to what they wanted, so they had the place to themselves._

_“Does it matter?” Gabriel asked as he guided them along the walkway, hands firm and steady, a smile on his lips as he watched Jack laugh although there was an odd note in his voice that had Jack faltering, frowning as he stared at him._

_“No, I suppose not.” It didn’t really matter to him, the time they spent together both in real life and this shared dreamscape had convinced him that he was happiest when Gabriel was at his side, the location, the mission, none of that mattered as long as they were together. He said as much, colouring as he spoke, but he was rewarded by the most blinding smile he had ever seen from his partner, falling more in love than ever. And it had been there, on their own Eiffel Tower, waltzing beneath the stars that he had finally told Gabriel that he loved him._

   The words that he had struggled over for months had come so easily, so naturally that he wished that he’d said them earlier and Gabriel…Gabriel had been on cloud nine for weeks afterwards, seeking every opportunity for physical contact when they were in the dreamscape, enthusiastically agreeing when the scientists increased the number of dives. Jack hadn’t complained, longing for those moments because they were still wary of what they could allow to bleed into reality, especially after another team had been dismissed due to relationship complications, although the exact nature of those problems had never been disclosed. However, there had been a creeping uneasiness when he found their names signed up to more and more missions, even ones that he knew they hadn’t been signed up for before. Gabriel had never denied signing them up, explaining that with their first real mission looming they needed the practice more than ever, and Jack, trusting him had gone along with him.

   It had got to the point where even Jack who’d always had a clear sense of dream and reality, began to feel the borders blurring and he had almost cried with relief when they were given two weeks of rest before their first mission was scheduled.

     Those two weeks should have been the final clue he needed that things were going awry with his partner. It had been the first time they’d been granted leave since joining the program, and despite his family’s stance over his career choice Jack was eager to go home, and he had expected Gabriel to feel the same. Especially after hearing the way he spoke about his mother and siblings, both agreeing that they couldn’t risk going home together yet. However, when he had gone to say farewell before heading home, he had found Gabriel curled on his bed, staring morosely at the wall which was covered with pictures that they had memorised to shape some of their dreams.

_“Gabe?” He asked, frowning as he realised that there was no sign that the other man was even thinking of packing, let alone ready to leave even though he was booked on a flight that evening. His concern spiking when there was no reaction. “Gabriel?” He tried again, stepping into the room and being deliberately loud about it, his frown deepening when Gabriel jerked, before slowly turning to look at him, blinking slowly as though he was coming out of a daze._

_“Sunshine…”_

_“You haven’t packed?”_

_“I’m not sure if I’m going,” Gabriel muttered._

_“Why wouldn’t you go?” Jack demanded, watching his partner intently. He seemed distracted, his attention already shifting back towards the pictures on the wall and Jack hurried to continue, suddenly feeling as though he needed to keep his attention, relieved when at the first word dark eyes turned back to him. “There’s nothing to do here for the next couple of weeks, and it would just be you and the scientists.”_

_“You could stay,” Gabriel pointed out with a note of pleading in his voice._

_“I promised my folks I would visit,” Jack pointed out, not quite daring to remind Gabriel that he had been the one to encourage him to go home and make his peace with them, although that conversation had been months ago so maybe he had forgotten. Somehow, he didn’t think that was the case, but it was easier than confronting the worry that was beginning to stir at the edge of his thoughts. “They’ve been worried about the lack of contact, and I’m sure your mum’s the same.”_

_“Maybe…” Gabriel didn’t sound concerned, and it was so unlike the smiling, wistful tone he usually adopted when talking about his family that Jack took a step back. What was going on? Gabriel had seemed fine during their short dive the day before, and even at breakfast he had been chatting and smiling as always, talking about his mother’s cooking. Now though that Gabriel seemed a million miles away as he focused on Jack, his gaze intense in a way that had shivers running down his back and not in a pleasant way. “Aren’t you going to miss all this?”_

_“I’m going to miss you,” Jack replied, the admission coming easily at this point, although he could still feel the tips of his ears beginning to burn. “But I’m glad to take a break from diving, and two weeks isn’t so long. We’ll be on our first mission before you know it.” It was supposed to be reassuring, but instead, Gabriel’s expression seemed to darken at his words._

_“Two weeks, it sounds like forever.”_

     Jack hadn’t had a reply for him back then, instead rattling off some inane assurance that it wasn’t forever and even saying that he might be back a few days early if Gabriel wanted to laze around together. But it had felt like his words had fallen on deaf ears, and he’d left, uneasiness clawing at him with each step that he’d taken. He’d even brought his concern to the doctors before he left, worried that there was more to it, hating himself for going behind Gabriel’s back like this, but unwilling to risk losing his partner over this.

    The worry had clawed at him for the entirety of his break, his dreams twisting into frightening nightmares, the dream worlds that they had created together that had seemed so perfect, now twisted as his mind tormented him with all the ways he could lose Gabriel. In the end, he’d returned early, unable to explain to his family why he could barely sleep or why he woke up screaming his partner’s name on more than one occasion. He’d been terrified of what he might find, if Gabriel would have been sent home and his participation terminated, or whether the strangeness from that final day would have got worse, and it had taken every ounce of courage he could muster to walk down the corridor to Gabriel’s room once he’d dropped off his bags.

   Gabriel hadn’t been there, but the room wasn’t bare, and in the middle of the bed he’d found a note addressed to him and written in his partner’s messy scrawl. _I’ve gone home, I’ll be back at the end of the break. Sorry for worrying you, Sunshine. Gabe._ Jack had almost collapsed with relief there and then, rereading the note over and over, not caring that he had come back early for nothing and that he was going to be alone for the next few days. All he cared about was that his partner seemed to be okay and that he was coming back.

    He should have known better, should have listened to the tiny voice in the back of his mind that reminded him of how strange Gabriel had been acting. He hadn’t, he’d wanted to believe that everything would work out, that they could stay as partners for as long as possible.

He’d been a fool…

_Gabriel had returned on the final day of leave, and when he had appeared in the common room where Jack had taken up residence during the day he had seemed back to his normal self. Here under the cameras and watchful gaze of their superiors their greeting had been limited to a slightly longer than usual clap on the shoulder, and Jack had taken the opportunity to scan his partner’s face, searching for the strange distance from before, but the dark eyes had been bright and focused, a rueful expression written across his face._

_“I’m sorry I scared you,” Gabriel murmured, fingers squeezing tighter for a moment before he pulled away with a sigh, rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck. “I guess we all needed a break.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_They had spent the rest of the afternoon catching up, Jack telling Gabriel about the changes on the farm, especially the young collie that he’d wanted to bring back with him, and that he’d gone around in circles with his parents about his current position and the secrecy around it. In turn, Gabriel had happily talked about his own holiday and catching up with his siblings, looking every inch the proud brother as he spoke about his youngest sister getting into college and how his brother was starting to look at rings, and making Jack drool as he talked about Mama Reyes’ home-cooking. He had laughed at Jack’s reaction, and promise him that once this was all over, he would take him home to try it for himself because there was no way he could replicate it accurately in a dream._

_It had been the first time Gabriel had admitted that the dream wasn’t perfect, and it had given Jack hope that the weird blip was well and truly behind them._

_Then the evening meal had come, the hall full in a way that it hadn’t been for days and Jack had felt almost like he had come home. Dinner passed quickly, full of easy conversation and laughter, almost as though they were part of a secret military program with missions looming over their heads. Almost…_

_They had just been finishing up, making plans for an impromptu movie night in the main common room when their superiors had arrived, silence immediately falling as everyone watched them move to the centre of the room and Jack had felt his stomach plummet as he took in their grim expressions. He already knew what they were here to say, but it didn’t stop the uneasiness as they announced that their first missions would be assigned the next day, with the intention of the dives beginning by the end of the week at the latest. It was sooner than any of them had expected, and nervous whispers broke out around them, but Jack only had eyes for Gabriel who had gone rigid at the news, before turning to look at him with a strange light in his eyes._

_“Are you ready for this, sunshine.”_

_Of course._ Jack had replied with a confidence that he hadn’t felt, the relief, the hope that things were okay dimming in that moment as a chill had settled over him. Yet, he had buried it, feigning confidence, because what other choice did they have? They’d already given so much of themselves to the program, and come so far, he couldn’t throw that away, and he couldn’t leave Gabriel.

Maybe, if he had…

    It was a moot point now, all of it was. He hadn’t left, hadn’t spoken up even when Gabriel had thrown himself into the preparation for their mission with an intensity that had frightened him at points. As one of the most skilled pairs, they had been assigned the most complicated mission, a deep dive, right down to level four to try and extract information from a Moira O'Deorain. Who had been identified as one of the Key Scientists working behind some of the new technologies that had been seen in the battlefield, technology that had worrying implications for human life as well as the future of military action.

     It had been the longest dive attempted by the program, the one hour they spent asleep in the real world had translated to eighteen years in the dream world. Eighteen years of living together, working together, wiggling their way deeper and deeper into the woman’s confidence. There had been moments when both had them had nearly forgotten that this was a dream, the days passing so slowly, that it felt like they had spent a lifetime together.

     It had been during that dive that they had married, a small ceremony, attended by a couple of colleagues they had befriended in that world. Everything an illusion, apart from the depth of feeling they had put into their vows. _Always and forever, in every world…_ their shared world, coalescing even further after that, reality slipping further and further away.

     Yet Jack had never managed to forget that it was a mission, even when Gabriel seemed content to lose himself in their work, their marriage and the life they had created. In the end, Jack had been the one to drag them out of that level, forced to destroy the home they had made in order to shock Gabriel out of it. And there had been something in his partner’s manner as they had emerged on their beach in level three that had scared him, a darkness that hadn’t been present before.

_“One day we’ll do this in the real world,” Jack murmured, lifting his hand so that the setting sun would catch the simple gold band. “Then it really will be forever.” Gabriel’s hand on his waist tightened, bordering on painful and Jack turned his head to look at him, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong, only to find himself silenced by a quick kiss before Gabriel pulled away._

_“It already is…”_

_They had spent a few days on the beach, unwinding after the end of the mission and Gabriel seemed to settle, the darkness fading from his eyes, although there were times that Jack would catch it reappearing for a few seconds. Still, his partner hadn’t fought him when it was time to work their way back up to the real world, instead bringing Jack’s hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to his ring._

_“See you on the other side, sunshine.”_

     Their mission had been a limited success, the information they had managed to gain had been incomplete as their target had been distrustful even after all that time, but still, they had retrieved enough to send the scientists into a frenzy. It had been one of the few successes they had discovered, a pall cast over the program after two pairs had failed to wake up, falling into limbo as they lost the ability to tell the difference between reality and dream. It had scared Jack, especially when he knew they hadn’t gone as deep as he and Gabriel had, but it had been Gabriel’s reaction to the news that had shaken him the most because there had been something close to longing in the dark eyes.

    Still, they had continued to dive. There was no end to the missions. Some were simple assassinations that only required short, shallow dives, while others were intelligence gathering missions like their first, and over and over they created a life for themselves in a world that didn’t exist. The rings they had exchanged becoming a constant in whatever dream they were in, and it wasn’t long before they had racked up an impressive amount of dive time between the two of them. Their superiors had constantly praised their efforts, their fellow soldiers had watched them with a mix of awe and fear as their numbers were whittled away, the strains of the program getting to more and more as the dives continued. Yet Jack had come to hate and fear each dive, the longing and darkness having taken up a permanent residence in Gabriel’s eyes at that point.

    He had even abandoned their attempts at secrecy in the real world, constantly trying to ground Gabriel in reality with hugs and chaste kisses, and he had taken to kissing the finger where Gabriel wore his ring before they dove, trying to convince him that it was real. That they could have their forever without the dream world.

It hadn’t been enough…

He hadn’t done enough…

_The mission was over, and they had retreated to their beach, trying to wash away the blood from this latest mission, the guilt that came with knowing that their target hadn’t stood a chance in the world they had created. Jack was tired in a way that he hadn’t been for a long time, looking forward to the leave they had been promised, and hoping that he could finish convincing Gabriel to come home with him for a few days before it was time to leave, not caring anymore if it drew attention to them. They both needed a break, and if he was honest with himself, he was worried about letting Gabriel out of his sight. His partner had been…. Odd, on this latest mission, almost as though he wasn’t really there half the time, the same distant expression that he’d worn months ago when he’d first scared Jack reappearing, and he had disappeared for hours on end, losing himself in the dream._

_“Jack.” There was a gentle tug on his hand, halting his forward progress and he paused, turning to look at Gabriel with a frown, not liking the strange tone._

_“Gabe?”_

_“You like it here, don’t you?” Gabriel asked softly, tugging on his hand, pulling Jack closer until he could wrap him up in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to his temple before explaining. “On our beach I mean?”_

_“Yes….” Jack replied hesitantly, wanting nothing more to melt into the hug, but there was something about Gabriel that had him on edge, and he pulled back so that he could look at his partner’s face, swallowing as he realised that although the dark eyes were fixed on him, they seemed to be looking through him. “Gabe…Gabriel, what is this about?”_

_“We should stay here.”_

_“Stay…?”_

_“We created this place,” Gabriel whispered, a reverent look on his face as he released Jack to gesture at the beach stretching out around them. “We made this world where there are no missions, no blood to stain our hands… there’s just you and me.” Jack was frightened now. He’d heard similar words from Gabriel before, but not like this, not with such certainty, such resolve and he stepped forward and reached for his partner. Deliberately grasping his hands, and lifting them, his fingers resting against their wedding bands._

_“This place is just a dream Gabe, it’s not real,” he murmured softly, cautiously, feeling the way that Gabriel tensed at his words and catching the hurt that flashed through his eyes before he continued more urgently. “But you and me? We’re real, and once the program is over, we can make it official. We can make a life for ourselves, and this place, this place will always be a pleasant dream…a cherished memory.”_

_“No…” Gabriel shook his head, frowning and looking at Jack as though he was seeing him for the first time, biting at his bottom lip as his attention shifted to the beach and then back to Jack. “I don’t think it is.”_

_“Gabriel,” Jack interjected before he could continue, squeezing his fingers to bring the increasingly wild gaze back to him as it darted back to the beach. “Stop,” he pleaded once he had Gabriel’s attention before adding softly.  “You’re scaring me.” That seemed to stop Gabriel in his tracks, and he blinked, expression softening and Jack felt a flicker of hope when he pulled a hand free before reaching up to grasp his cheek, just as he had on their very first dive all that time ago._

_“It’s because you’re confused sunshine,” Gabriel whispered, tenderly brushing his fingers against Jack’s cheek and Jack let out a choked sob as he realised that his words hadn’t been enough, that Gabriel didn’t understand what was happening. He tried to pull back, needing to put distance between them as he worked out how to fix this, but Gabriel was having none of it, his hands dropping to Jack’s shoulders and gripping him hard enough to leave bruises, as he continued in what was intended to be a reassuring tone.  “But it’s okay, I’m here, and I’ll show you that this is where we belong.”_

_“What do…?” Jack was cut off as he was hauled forward. Gabriel dragging him along with him as he made a beeline for the water and Jack felt panic grip him as he realised what his partner intended to do. Grief and terror warring for control as he glanced at Gabriel’s face and saw nothing but grim determination in the handsome features. Desperately he began to struggle, but Gabriel merely tightened his grip and sped up, murmuring reassurances with every step. “Gabe, please,” Jack was sobbing, begging as they reached the water, his words falling on deaf ears as Gabriel kept going, leading them both deeper and deeper, the water rising past their ankles and then their knees until it was above their waist._

_It was there that he paused for a moment, finally focusing on Jack and slowly his hands glided up Jack’s neck, before gripping Jack’s cheeks in a bruising grip. “This is our reality, Jack,” he murmured, stealing a quick kiss before resting his forehead against Jack’s, even as he began to pull him further out to see. “Our world, so please sunshine…stay with me.”_

_“Gabe…” For a fleeting moment Jack was overcome by the urge to agree, to kiss him back and lose himself in this world they had created, the ring around his finger a welcome weight after all this time, and he even found himself leaning in, following willingly. Until water lapped against his face, the sudden taste of salt on his lips and kiss of waves against his cheek startling him out of his daze, and his breath caught as he met Gabriel’s gaze once more. Grief welling up as he bit back a sob, shaking his head as he resumed his previous efforts to escape. “I can’t…I’m sorry…but we can’t stay like this.”_

_The noise that Gabriel made was halfway between a snarl and a howl, nails raking his cheek as he fought to keep his grip on Jack, but with a last surge of desperate strength Jack wrenched himself free, forced to tread water as he backed away. “GABE!” The man in front of him looked nothing like the man he loved, face twisted with rage and grief, dark eyes boring into him and for the first time, Jack was afraid of Gabriel._

_“Why? Why…. Jack?” Despite the fury in his expression, Gabriel sounded lost and broken, and Jack ached to comfort him, forgetting his fear as he reached for him. Only to find his fingers closing on empty air as the edges of their world seemed to crumble in front of his eyes, darkness rising in a wave behind Gabriel, stretching out towards him like tendrils of smoke._

_“GABE!!!”_

_There was thunder in his ears, the signal that it was time to wake up and already he could feel the tug of consciousness, the beach and sea collapsing faster than ever. And the last thing he saw before he jolted back to consciousness, was Gabriel sinking into the darkness that was swirling around him, dark eyes boring into his and his voice seeming to echo everywhere at once._

_“Why Jack?”_

       Jack was trembling, breath coming in desperate pants as he buried his head in his hands. Even now, nearly twenty-six years later the memory of that fateful day had never dimmed, never faded, and even if it had, the spectre in his mind would never let him forget. The shadowy figure that haunted his nightmares still trying to drag him into the darkness, unwilling or unable to forgive him for fleeing back then, or daring to wake up in a reality where he had been greeted with the sight of nurses bustling around Gabriel’s bed as machines screamed their sorrowful song for the world to hear. He hadn’t needed that noise, or their words to know that he had lost Gabriel. He’d known it from the moment that he had said that he couldn’t stay, and Gabriel’s expression had twisted into the face of a stranger.

    The weeks after that had passed in a numb haze. Grief and guilt consuming Jack, leaving him little more than a ghost who had haunted the corridors of the base searching for Gabriel and fleeing the spectre who had appeared in his dreams the night after their dive. They’d tried to pair him with other people, unwilling to lose another asset, but the spectre had followed wherever he went, lashing out at him and whatever unfortunate soul was assigned to him until fearful whispers greeted him wherever he went. In the end, he had been discharged, sworn to secrecy and sent back to the ‘real world’ to make a life for himself and forget what had happened.

As though he could…

    The spectre of Gabriel had followed him wherever he had gone, haunting his dreams, twisting them into nightmares. While memories of the man he had loved followed him during the day, leaving him lonely and bereft in a world that they’d never had the chance to make their own. _Why Jack?_ The desperate question haunted him even now, and Jack took a shuddering breath as he lifted his head to stare at the letter lying abandoned in his lap, trembling as shadow seemed to fill his vision for a moment, a broken sob slipping free.

“I don’t know…”


End file.
